Crazy like a FOX: Ellen on American Idol

DISCLAIMER: Today's blog references American Idol. If AI disgusts you, run away fast. Worry not, its not ABOUT AI, it simply refers to events in the show that are related to my topic.

Just when you thought no one could be a worse judge of talent than Paula Abdul, the folks at American Idol sign Ellen Degeneres to be their 4th judge for the upcoming season. When was HER last chart topping pop album? Which rock stars has she sent shooting towards the stars of success?

Yes, she has a nice little talk show, and is quick with a joke, and probably a light of your smoke - but isn't there someplace we'd rather she be? Sorry, I occasionally slip into Billy Joel lyrics when exasperated.

The producers are exercising their power of choice in an unexpected manner, but with great deliberation. Last years 4th judge, Kara, is an industry professional. Putting Ellen on the forum is the equivalent to dropping Dennis Miller onto the set of Monday Night Football a few years ago. While Dennis is a wonderfully talented and witty human being within his social and political setting, he was out of place and overmatched on the set of MNF. He didn't get the game, he didn't get the fans, and he didn't get to keep the gig. I expect the AI's Ellen results to be similarly disappointing.


If I can see it coming, and you can see it coming, why would they choose to make it happen? One of two reasons: either they DON'T see it coming and believe Ellen will expand the demographic and add value to the judging, or, more likely, they DO see it coming, and are counting on all of us to tune in to watch the train wreck side show she will bring each week to what is otherwise fairly solid entertainment (relatively speaking).

When you make changes in your life, you face similar choices. Looking for a bigger market share, whether with customers or simply those who inhabit your daily life? Doing more of the same creates diminishing returns. Adding something radically different, however, will attract attention. Sometimes negative attention, but attention nonetheless.

Consider your options, and your outcomes. Make your choice, and stick by your guns, at least for a season. If it works, great! If not, be prepared to create a new strategy next time around. Actually, its not a bad idea to prepare for a new strategy regardless of how it goes - even a train wreck will bore the rubberneckers is left unchanged for too long.

SPECIAL BONUS: Top 14 Dennis Miller quotes on Monday Night Football - in honor of the opening of the NFL season, tonight on NBC! Provided by Topfive.com


14. "Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary -- the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians."

13. "I haven't seen anyone rely on the ground game this much since the battle of Verdun."

12. "The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop."

11. "I've seen women pee standing up with better aim."

10. "Somebody call Janet Reno -- I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet!"

9. "That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche."

8. "I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet."

7. "Hey, Cunningham -- Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi."

6. "He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house."

5. "Hey Deion, Bubbelah -- maybe you'd better pay a little less attention to those unfairly Draconian salary caps that only allowed you to acquire four of the five remaining 1932 Aston Martins still in road-worthy condition after you'd paid for life's little necessities like hookers and weed, get your medulla oblongata out of your duodenum for a few milliseconds, and make a tackle or two, okay, Babe?"

4. "When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb."

3. "That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena."

2. "Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island."

...and the Number 1 Dennis Miller Monday Night Football Quote...

1. "Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!"

The Choice of Obama Drama

Believe it or not, choice was really at the bottom of today's Obama Drama.

Veiled under a fear of what he might say, was the common human panic when they are backed into a corner - when they feel they have no choice.

When something is forced, or seemingly forced, upon us, it is human nature to kick back. Even those who back the President questioned his approach, or at least the media's coverage of his approach.

People said they were worried he would give a socialist message, or talk healthcare, or perhaps turn our children into Democrats with latent hypnotic commands (okay I didn't hear this one, but I bet some bizarro believed it).

I believe the real issue was that we felt he was giving us no choice as parents. Our kids were in school, out of our control (because we as parents, after all, like to control our kids choices). He was the President, so surely all schools would be forced to show the video (didn't see the Nat'l Guard called out to enforce the viewing. Did you?). And, of course, the only way to protect our kids from seeing this obvious power-play against our freedoms was to keep kids at home, safe from harm, in front of their video-games.

Had the President communicated to the media about the choices available - watch it or don't, show it or don't - had he shown flexibility and overt willingness to enforce our freedom of choice, the drama would have been significantly lessened.

When you deal with people in your life, what choices are you giving them? Don't step on their freedoms - or they're likely to kick you in the (fill-in your own choice of words)!

Who Do You Hang Around?

There's an old saying from Napoleon Hill that we become the average of the 5 people we hang around most - our 5 closest friends. In my case, my 4 of my 5 closest friends are children, so yeah, that's probably accurate!

Choosing who we spend time with is often not seen as a choice. You can't choose your family, they say. You CAN choose how much time you spend with them, though, as well as how you spend that time, and what is allowed to happen in that time.

Unless we're the boss, we can't control who we work with, right? You CAN choose how you react to them, however. You can even choose whether to keep working there.

But our friends? That is completely and easily within our control. Despite the emotional stories we create that might prevent us from changing who is in our inner circle, it is possible to switch who we interact with on a regular basis fairly easily.

I'm not suggesting that you don't have the perfect friends right now. Do you? Have you taken a look at them lately? Are they a positive influence? Do they encourage you to meet your goals, or theirs? Are they pushing you up, or dragging you down? If your goal is to create a booming home business, are they busy encouraging you, and perhaps even helping? Or are they telling you how ridiculous your scheme is? Even if they think your scheme is ridiculous, the best friends will find ways to say it in constructive, vs. destructive, ways.

What many motivational and business gurus don't talk about is the reverse side of friendship. After all, we're not in it just for ourselves. What are you giving to your friends? Do you encourage and mentor? Do you have friends that make less and are not as successful as you, but who you are helping to propel closer to THEIR goals?

If we only hang with people who we perceive are better than us, are we not building a faulty model? After all, how could someone MORE successful than ourselves then hang with us? To work properly, it must work both ways.

Of course, we must delineate a friend with a poor attitude from a friend who is simply at a different level of life. Making the choice to jettison or at least drastically reduce exposure to people with poor attitudes is vital to keeping a positive perspective on your own future.

Those at a different level of life? Consider keeping balance. Find friends who have achieved your goals, and learn from them. Keep friends who are in your peer group, but willing to back you in your pursuit of greater achievements.

Perhaps the missing part of this equation is this: seek out friends who you can help. Find people you enjoy spending time with who will benefit more from being your friend than they can give to you in return. Don't just be a guru or a mentor or a coach - be a friend.

I would suggest a new equation for the Napoleon Hill's of the world: You are the average of what the 5 people you helped most finally achieved.

Choices on the Fly

Tonight was my weekly Toastmasters meeting. 6 o'clock, downtown Spokane, 2nd floor at Auntie's Bookstore. For the second week in a row, my lovely wife attended. As we approached the building, we realized we were in big trouble.

Parking in Downtown Spokane is always tricky. Plenty of paylots, limited street parking. With events at the convention center, it can get frustrating finding a spot within reasonable parking distance. For me, thats about 50 feet...

Tonight, as we heard the music and smelled roasted pork in the air, we remembered "Labor Day Weekend in Spokane means Pig Out in the Park"! Not just a big event, the second biggest outdoor event of the year. No parking available whatsoever. The Parking Lots wanted 10 bucks. NO WAY!

Determined to get my wife to her 2nd meeting of Toastmasters, I dropped her off as I continued to circle around. With every turn I faced a new choice. Do I A. Spend $ to park, B. Continue to drive around and pray with fervor for an open spot, or C. leave my wife there and go sit around for an hour somewhere else.

Three pretty clear choices, and choices that had to be made over and over again with each passing moment. Round and round I went...Are THEY leaving? Nope. There's an open...oh, no, motorcycles only. How far away is the closest spot - how long would it take me to walk? 20 minutes later I was still circling. I was determined to get a close spot. Gas and Time are expensive investments, but so is my health, and my ability to not sweat in a suitcoat and have my wits and wind intact when I speak.

After each turn, I inched closer to simply leaving and coming back for my fair spouse. Just as I was about to give up, the clouds parted, the angels sang, and a spot just across the street from the bookstore opened up. I was in the exact right spot at the exact right time. Had I chosen to walk, I would have lost the same amount of time, and I would have been hot and sweaty. Had I ended up leaving, my wife would have stressed, they'd be out an evaluator, and I very well may have ended up in the doghouse for awhile...

These and dozens of other thoughts went through my mind tonight as I looked for a spot. In the end, I'm glad I stuck it out. I fulfilled my role as evaluator, though I came in the room right at 6:25. I got a close spot. And my wife was happy to see me.

The Art of Choice is flexible. The presence of Choices is a constant state of being. The more you pay attention to them, the more you understand how to make them fit your value system. The quicker you become able to make confident decisions even in continually changing conditions.

I can't promise the heavens will always open up at precisely the right moment based on the choices you make, at least you know wherever you end up is where you've chosen to go. And when you've got a choice around every corner, those Choices on the Fly will become easier as you make exercising your Power of Choice a constant and continual choice in and of itself.

How Do You Handle Bad News?

My family has had a lot of bad news lately. Not a little bad news, or news that is bad, but only a little bad; but really bad news.

Medical issues with my kids. Medical issues with my wife. Yesterday, my wife's grandfather passed away suddenly, collapsing as he watered the lawn, just days short of his 80th birthday.

It the nature of Living. Often tough to understand, understandably depressing, and emotionally exhausting. They are also choices waiting to be made.

I'm not here to tell anyone they can't grieve or be sad, or even be angry. It's their choice. And it isn't, by nature, a bad choice. When it comes to sick kids, emotions run high. Simply 'choosing' to feel good is a mask that is just as dangerous as falling into a bottomless pit of despair.

What exercising our Power of Choice allows us to do is to choose to feel badly, to grieve, to be angry, while simultaneously putting us in control of choosing how, when, where, and for how long we feel bad, grieve, and be angry.

Among other issues, my 6 year old daughter may be losing her vision - she may be legally blind by 10. This makes me sad and angry. But being sad and angry simply doesn't help her. It doesn't help my wife. All I can do is make the choice to give Rachel the best care available, and help her create her best possible future - making sure that my sadness and anger doesn't turn her sad and angry before she's old enough to understand her own Power of Choice.

Sometimes life gives us lemons. And the lemons may be too damaged to make lemonade. But they always carry a seed for something better, if we're willing to dig deeper into the problem fruit, and make the choice to plant.

Using Murphy's Law

"Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." - some guy named Murphy.

You've read many posts about preparing for Murphy's Law, I bet. Bring extra batteries. Call ahead. Bring a map. Carry a cel phone and cash. Wear clean underwear.

I like to use Murphy's law in my favor. Today I had a dentist appointment. I hate waiting in the waiting room, especially there. So I activated Murphy's Law by bringing a book I've been dying to read (Secret Formulas of the Wizard of Ads) with me. Got through 2 whole pages before they called me up.



Works for all sorts of things.

If I want to get a speaking slot at my Toastmasters meeting, I make sure I'm totally unprepared. Works every time.

Need one of the kids to do an errand? Don't yell down the hall. Instead, put on headphones and listen to that Every Day is Saturday Motivational MP3 you downloaded.

If I want my wife to make my favorite dish, I make sure to go through Burger King on the way home to dinner. I'm a bit stuffed by bedtime, but hey, we all have to sacrifice.

It takes conscious, creative effort to make Murphy's Law work in your favor - but all great choices do.

August Food Log

This won't be a Twitter/Facebook promoted post. If you're a regular reader, here's your reward: My August Food Log (Don't all thank me at once!). The trends of emotional eating are easy to spot. I still lost weight in August, shockingly. This part of my Challenge is very openly moving to Stumpy & Bumpy Laugh Off The Pounds starting in September (hey, that's TODAY!).

1 - bowl of Marshmallow Mateys, PBJ sandwich on white, 2 mozzarella sticks, double burger, generous amounts of Chocolate Sauce straight from the bottle, 96 oz of water.
2 - 4 chicken nuggets, 6 tater tots, 50 oz of water. (sick today)
3 - 1 bagel with cream cheese, 1 thin slice of roast beef, 5 Ruffles, 1 Vitamin Water, 1 chocolate chip cookie, went to the lake, steak and potato, small amounts of Chocolate Sauce straight from the bottle, 96 oz of water.
4 – bowl of Marshmallow Mateys, 2 eggs, small steak, 1 piece of toast, 2 mozzarella sticks, roast beef, mac & cheese, bowl of chocolate mint ice cream. 96 oz of water.
5 – bowl of chocolate mint ice cream, baked potato with butter, 1 grilled cheese sandwich, popcorn, 1 giant Snickers bar, 96 oz of water
6 – breakfast steak, 2 eggs, mini-snickers, mini-reeses, ½ mini kit kat, 3 diet pepsis, 2 chicken legs, bowl of cookie dough ice cream, 2 slices of cheese
7 – bowl of Marshmallow Matey's, jr. cheeseburger, fries, cheeseburger, tator tots, reeses, twizzlers
8 – 2 pieces of french toast, breakfast steak, leftover hamburger, cheese sticks, popcorn
9 – 1 ½ donuts, cream filled, 2 mcchickens, hotwings, chocolate milk
10 – bowl of Marshmallow Mateys, McChicken Sandwich, ¼ McChicken BLT, a few fries, two hostess cupcakes. Weighed in at 248 today. Need to keep pushing. Pork Chop, Peas, Rice, bowl of Ice cream, chips and salsa. Bad Bad Rich
11 – bowl of Marshmallow Mateys, pork chop, two puddings, 5 pork ribs, 1 biscuit, salad, popcorn
12 – bowl of Marshmallow Mateys, roast beef, two puddings, ice cream, chinese chicken, rice
13 – bowl of Marshmallow Mateys, turkey, Angus Mushroom burger, fries, 3 chocolate chip cookies, chips and salsa
14 – bowl of Marshmallow Mateys, popcorn, 2 chicken nuggets, hot wings, sour patch kids, snickers
15 – bowl of Marshmallow Mateys, turkey and roast beef deli meat, 2 pancakes, bacon, egg, chips
16 – turkey, 4 chocolate cookies, two puddings, steak, small potato, ear of corn
17 – 4 slices of combo pizza from Costco, noodles with alfredo sauce, ¼ serving of chicken breast, 4/5 of a giant Snickers bar.
18 - ½ steak plus 1 egg, 1 brownie, ½ bag popcorn, 1 serving roast beef with gravy, peas, ½ baked potato, couple handfuls of Monkey Munch
19 – 4 handfuls of Monkey Munch (roughly a bowl of cereal), roast beef with gravy, chips and salsa, ½ serving of chips/cheese/ground beef, snickers bar.
20 – Bowl of Marshmallow Matey's, three chicken legs, chips and salsa, small breakfast steak
21 – Bowl of Marshmallow Matey's, 2 small salmon filet's, dark chocolate, 3 pork ribs, popcorn
22 – Bowl of Marshmallow Matey's, sliced deli roast beef, popcorn, chips and salsa, 2 pork ribs
23 – one pancake, 4 strips of bacon, one egg, chicken sandwich, 12 chicken wings, ice cream
24 – 10 chicken wings, salad, pork rinds, ice cream
25 – Bowl of Marshmallow Matey's, small turkey sandwich, doritos, Peanut Butter M&Ms, chocolate cake, gourmet hamburger, popcorn, ice cream (wow, that's adds up to a really bad day)
26 – Bowl of Marshmallow Matey's, breakfast steak, spaghetti, way too many oatmeal/peanutbutter/chocolate cookies, popcorn
27 – Bowl of Marshmallow Matey's, deli sliced chicken breast, Panda Express (orange chicken, mushroom chicken, fried rice/chowmein mix) popcorn, redvines, peanut butter M&Ms
28 – Bowl of Marshmallow Matey's, deli sliced turkey, McDonalds Chicken BLT, ½ fries, popcorn
29 – biscuits with sausage gravy, chicken sandwich (home version), orange chicken with rice (home version, red vines, peanut butter M&Ms
30 – Bowl of Marshmallow Matey's, 3 chicken legs (spices), sliced deli chicken, grasshopper cookies, lasagna casserole
31 – Bowl of Marshmallow Matey's, 3 ½ pieces of Pepperoni Pizza, 1/3 package of Grasshopper Cookies, Chips and Salsa