Success in Whose Judgment?

The Age of Judgment is Here.

And its been here for a long time. These days, every day is Judgment Day, and everyone is a judge. I'm not talking about a religious Age of Judgment, nor do I refer to the oft-predicted End of Days.

Instead I mean the Age of Judgment on You and I, on our ideas, on our dreams and hopes, on our Choices. Judgment is a weapon wielded not just by the Naysayers in your life who work so hard to discourage you, but even by those who believe in you. It's used by relatives and church friends, and often even coaches you've hired to help you along your journey.

Judgement comes in many forms: ridicule, guidance, scoffing, critique, dismissal, suggestion, sympathy, love, anger, respect, outrage, depending on the wielder, and the moment. Judgment can put you on a clearer path, or torch all the paths you thought you had in front of you.

One minute your advisor says "Yes, this is completely feasible," the next moment, "in three to five years." One moment you're discussing your latest public relations victory to a friend, the next they ask "So, how much money is that making you?"

The Squire of Gothos tells Captain James T. Kirk he will
hang by the neck until he is dead, dead, DEAD! What is the
World saying about YOU?

It shouldn't be surprising or discouraging to us, in truth. Everywhere we turn, talk-show hosts, critics, politicians, bosses, teachers, bloggers, twitterers, and little kids across the street weigh in on anything at anytime with their Judgment. Nothing is universally accepted, nothing universally abhorred. We spend our lives working to please the majority, even if our thoughts are in the minority, just to keep from getting slapped down. Heaven forbid, for example, I declare I believe in God in this blog and lose a reader who doesn't.

More on point, for those of you who do read this blog, you're likely being judged for wanting to be different. People around you wondering what you're thinking, wanting to take control of your life outside the normal constraints of public approval. For wanting to create your Self-Defined Success.

Maybe you want to quit your job. Maybe you want to change your weight, and its going to affect everyone in your household when you stop buying Pop-Tarts. Maybe you have decided money isn't as important as family, but the family still wants to watch The Cartoon Network and buy clothes at their whim.

Maybe just the opposite - you've decided a cubicle or a corporate job is the perfect place for you. That you're tired of dieting and you'd rather stay 30 lbs overweight and lose the stress of not being able to eat your daughter's birthday cheesecake. Regardless of your vision of your Self-Defined Success - that is just what it should be. It shouldn't be defined by anyone you don't want or need to give power over you.

Even when you've broken away from the Judgment of others, you are not yet safe. The Age of Judgment doesn't fade away without a fight.

Despite the many ways and means Judgment can come from the outside, it is most potent when it comes from within. Our Self-Judgment can destroy our futures before we even take the first step, and burn the foundations of dreams before the the cement even hardens. Even more cruelly, Self-Judgment can cause us to turn back even as we reach the cusp of success, and torch a brilliant structure for the sake of an unexpected flaw or challenge.

Self-Judgment may find its roots in the Judgments of others, but ultimately it is our own responsibility. While it can manifest itself positively, helping us discern between choices, too often it appears in the guise of fear, confusion, and uncertainty. It sabatoges, distracts, and discourages. It can make us defensive, embarrassed, and hopeless.

Have you been there before? Have you been there today?

Time for a reality check. Before making a knee-jerk move that sets you back or steers you in another direction altogether, perhaps just before reaching the final horizon, STOP.

Escape to a neutral environment - the library, a coffee shop, even just hopping into your car and heading to a park. Take a pad of paper or a notebook, and start an honest assessment.

Look at the moment:

Who are you right now?
Who do you want to be?
What are your talents?
Who are your allies?
What victories have you experienced in the last year?

Look at the Judgers:

Do they have credibility?
Do they know the whole story?
What happens to you if you take their advice?
What happens if you take a PART of their advice?
What happens if you ignore it?

Look where you are going:

If you stay the course, where can it take you?
If you change course, what are the consequences?
If you could take any course you wanted, what would it be, and where would you go?
Now ask it again - and choose two more.

Once you've taken the time to put these items in writing - good old fashioned pen to paper - start making your plan. Whether its your old plan, that you've managed to refocus on through all the Self-Judgment, or a new plan that became clear in the process, put it down as a step-by-step, realistic and achievable process.

Then go out and DO the first thing on the plan. Nothing beats Judgment like Action in the face of it.

It won't stop there. You may very well find yourself in the same spot tomorrow, depending on how much you have going on, how many obstacles you're facing. But the process stays the same, whether you spend 10 minutes or two hours. Your plan may change day to day. It may mean removing or adding activities or people from your life, your plan.

Just make sure the plan is always yours, always going in the direction you want to go, even as you evaluate the desires and intentions of others. Ultimately, the Choices, the consequences, the defeats, and the victories are yours, and the Judges will continue doing what they do - but they will never sound the same again.

Does Old Success Adage Still Ring True?

I was challenged last week about the adage Rory Vaden uses in his Take the Stairs program - an adage that has been around the motivational speaking industry longer than Rory or I or any of us, perhaps, have been living. The saying goes "Successful people do what others will not do."

The contention was that people in low-level jobs, such as housekeeping, trash collection, waitresses, etc., do things others will not do and they are not necessarily successful. Very true - but a thought process not necessarily in line with the spirit of the adage. Mass-murderers also do what others will not do, and they wouldn't be considered a success by the world's standards. At the same time, some of these people may perceive themselves as wonderfully successful, depending on their perspective of success - whether they're washing dishes or disposing victims.

The spirit of the adage, in my mind, is "Successful People do things that make them successful that others will not do." Often, we can look at a successful person's life and see that what they've done isn't so far out of our ability to do, but rather out of our comfort zone or the definition of ourselves we've built over the years.

There are two main thoughts that come to me out of the debate I've been having over this issue in my mind.

1. Success is what we define it as, on an individual basis.
2. Success doesn't come from doing from what others won't in every case.

Which leads me to this conclusion:

Succes is reached by those who do what others who haven't achieved that success will not do, regardless of what the definition of success is. Which means we must define success for ourselves, then find what it takes to get there, and do those things. The adage itself works in a very comparative sense that way - if two people are faced with an identical task, and one is willing to work in a way that accomplishes it better than the other, the adage fits well. Even in this case, two people with the same task can accomplish it with equal results in completely different ways, which, rather than disproving the adage merely gives it more channels with which to operate.

What is success to you? Is it based in money? Family? Spiritual meaning? Freedom? Looks? Sex? Joy? Usually its a combination of all of those things and more, to one degree or another. I know I have felt more successful at times when I've made less money and spent more time with my family than the inverse.

Define your own success. Then do what it takes to get there, whether others are doing it or not. In the end, the only one to judge if you are a success or not, and be right, is you.

Is Tiger Still A Champion?

I have followed Tiger Woods since he tied for 60th at the Milwaukee Open back in 1996. I have blogged about him, his attitude, his skills, and his competitive spirit.

I have never blogged about his character, other than how it is displayed on the course. I've ignored the cursing and club throwing, understanding the intense pressure he is under from outside and from within each time he tees it up.

Now, he's a week into his worst situation ever - media bombardment, the fickleness of fans, and the ramifications cheating on his wife will have on his family, most important of all (to me).

I do not find it to be my place to judge Tiger, sympathize with Tiger, or defend Tiger.

However, he has provided us with an amazing example of what happens when our choices don't align with our overall goals (or what he has put out there as his goals - I suppose he would be dead on if his goals were to become a virtual sports god and then risk it all by conducting an extra-marital affair).

A week ago, our perception of Tiger was still pristine, and about to get another shine with his Tournament this week that benefits the Tiger Woods Foundation, which largely benefits kids education.

Today, his endorsements, his ability to draw fans, his focus to his craft, and his marriage are all at risk. His legacy has changed forever. Just as Kobe Bryant may never truly out-play his rape trial, no matter how many championships he wins, Tiger may forever be seen as the fallen angel.

Of course, he still has choices. Moving forward, he can make some great choices, as can any of us who have made mistakes of all types and varying degrees in our past. He's already making choices, and they are being scrutinized every second, from his communication on his website to reports of his pre-nuptial agreement rewrite, a large payment to Elin, his supermodel wife, and immersion into marriage counseling.

What he does from this point one will determine his future, just as his past choices have determined, in all of its mayhem and stress, his present. He has to live with his choices, past and future, just as we live with our own.

Two things to think about:

1. Learn from Tiger. Align your choices with your ultimate goal - whether it's to become a revered golfing legend, a successful entrepreneur, or a great dad and husband. Don't let your short-term choices short-circuit your long-term success.

2. Monitor the Big Choices with the Big Consequences. After all, no matter how many titles Tiger wins, how much money, how many people he helps - these Big Choices will always be carried somewhere in his golf bag.

Tiger is still a champion. Whether he will be a Champion of Choice is up to him.

The Devoted Minority

Do you take criticism to heart? Was your last book poorly received? Yesterday's blogpost not read and commented on enough? Worse yet, did you get NEGATIVE comments? Does your YouTube video sit with only 12 views, 10 of them your friends and family? Does it make you want to quit? Do you want to hide your ideas, your talents, yourSELF because your competitor has more Twitter followers, has a bigger Facebook Fan Page, and constantly brags about the 30,000 dollars they made in 24 hours with their latest product release? Then you need to discover The Devoted Minority!

The most popular, most famous, and/or the most successful people in the world are hated by more people than they are loved. And even more people in the world don't even know who they are. Guess what? You won't be hated as much as most, and most likely, the vast majority of the world won't even know who you are. And that's OK.

President Obama. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. Michael Jackson and Bob Dylan. Tiger Woods, Tom Brady, and Alex Rodriguez. We often hear more negative things (some true, some not, and most often somewhere in between) about all of them more than we hear the positive. Someone's always willing to take a potshot at them – yet they continue to survive and succeed (even in death, for MJ) despite drawing the ire of so many.

The key is The Devoted Minority. In a world of nearly 7 billion people, no one will have The Devoted Majority. In the U.S. Presidential election, President Barack Obama won with 69,456,897 (source: Wikipedia) votes, in a country whose population is over 307 million. The entire number of votes cast for both Sen. Obama and Sen. McCain was roughly 141 million – not even a majority of the country, despite the highest voter turnout in 40 years.

Your Devoted Minority is a group of supporters that keeps your success afloat. It may be 100 people, it may be 1000, it may be 10 million. The Devoted Minority loves you, spreads your ideas and ideals, and buoys you from day to day. The Devoted Minority may be your emotional or financial lifeline, and is often both. They give you approval, and they spend their money when you give them the chance.

Feed your Devoted Minority. Stay in touch, by newsletter, blogs, Facebook, Twitter, books, media – stay in front of them and give them what they want from you. Only the biggest movie stars can afford to put out a movie every three years – most are filming a movie every 8 months or so, and only the rarified writer can go more than 2 years without releasing a book. For the average businessperson, you need to be in front of your audience at least once a week. With the advent of social media, putting something out there (even if its just a few tweets or a daily status update) every day may be the only way to keep from being forgotten.

Your Devoted Minority can be a very fluid group. Don't fall into the trap of thinking “Oh, I wrote about this 6 months ago, and I'll bore my audience”. Not only do you have new people in your Devoted Minority, you have no idea how many of the read your post or book in the first place, or how many of them need to be reminded of it again! In Make It Stick, by Chip and Dan Heath, they mention the Burden of Knowledge – the idea that because WE know something, we assume everyone must know it. Your Devoted Minority either doesn't, or they want to know it again, differently. How else could Sleepless in Seattle AND You've Got Mail be hit movies, almost a decade apart? The Devoted Minority wanted to see Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan together again, or, for those that were new, they got to enjoy it for the first time, and then likely went and rented Sleepless in Seattle!

Embrace your Devoted Minority. Build it, nurture it, love it. Don't worry about the fact that someone else has a bigger Devoted Minority – your own will grow faster when you focus on what you have instead of what you don't. Don't disrespect or abuse your Devoted Minority by being someone they don't want you to be, unless you're willing to part with them. For me, this means not barraging my speech coaching Devoted Minority with MLM opportunities. What does it mean for you? How can you stay in alignment with your Devoted Minority?

Choose to identify and accept your Devoted Minority. They are why you can continue to do what you do, successfully. They appreciate your services, your expertise, they appreciate YOU. On the days when you wonder if anyone is reading your blog, or going to your website, or cares if you ever do anything ever again, remember your Devoted Minority. They will keep you going, and in turn, they will add to their own number. Frustrated because you're starting with only 100 fans? Guess what? They're still a Devoted Minority. And that's OK.