Success in Whose Judgment?

The Age of Judgment is Here.

And its been here for a long time. These days, every day is Judgment Day, and everyone is a judge. I'm not talking about a religious Age of Judgment, nor do I refer to the oft-predicted End of Days.

Instead I mean the Age of Judgment on You and I, on our ideas, on our dreams and hopes, on our Choices. Judgment is a weapon wielded not just by the Naysayers in your life who work so hard to discourage you, but even by those who believe in you. It's used by relatives and church friends, and often even coaches you've hired to help you along your journey.

Judgement comes in many forms: ridicule, guidance, scoffing, critique, dismissal, suggestion, sympathy, love, anger, respect, outrage, depending on the wielder, and the moment. Judgment can put you on a clearer path, or torch all the paths you thought you had in front of you.

One minute your advisor says "Yes, this is completely feasible," the next moment, "in three to five years." One moment you're discussing your latest public relations victory to a friend, the next they ask "So, how much money is that making you?"

The Squire of Gothos tells Captain James T. Kirk he will
hang by the neck until he is dead, dead, DEAD! What is the
World saying about YOU?

It shouldn't be surprising or discouraging to us, in truth. Everywhere we turn, talk-show hosts, critics, politicians, bosses, teachers, bloggers, twitterers, and little kids across the street weigh in on anything at anytime with their Judgment. Nothing is universally accepted, nothing universally abhorred. We spend our lives working to please the majority, even if our thoughts are in the minority, just to keep from getting slapped down. Heaven forbid, for example, I declare I believe in God in this blog and lose a reader who doesn't.

More on point, for those of you who do read this blog, you're likely being judged for wanting to be different. People around you wondering what you're thinking, wanting to take control of your life outside the normal constraints of public approval. For wanting to create your Self-Defined Success.

Maybe you want to quit your job. Maybe you want to change your weight, and its going to affect everyone in your household when you stop buying Pop-Tarts. Maybe you have decided money isn't as important as family, but the family still wants to watch The Cartoon Network and buy clothes at their whim.

Maybe just the opposite - you've decided a cubicle or a corporate job is the perfect place for you. That you're tired of dieting and you'd rather stay 30 lbs overweight and lose the stress of not being able to eat your daughter's birthday cheesecake. Regardless of your vision of your Self-Defined Success - that is just what it should be. It shouldn't be defined by anyone you don't want or need to give power over you.

Even when you've broken away from the Judgment of others, you are not yet safe. The Age of Judgment doesn't fade away without a fight.

Despite the many ways and means Judgment can come from the outside, it is most potent when it comes from within. Our Self-Judgment can destroy our futures before we even take the first step, and burn the foundations of dreams before the the cement even hardens. Even more cruelly, Self-Judgment can cause us to turn back even as we reach the cusp of success, and torch a brilliant structure for the sake of an unexpected flaw or challenge.

Self-Judgment may find its roots in the Judgments of others, but ultimately it is our own responsibility. While it can manifest itself positively, helping us discern between choices, too often it appears in the guise of fear, confusion, and uncertainty. It sabatoges, distracts, and discourages. It can make us defensive, embarrassed, and hopeless.

Have you been there before? Have you been there today?

Time for a reality check. Before making a knee-jerk move that sets you back or steers you in another direction altogether, perhaps just before reaching the final horizon, STOP.

Escape to a neutral environment - the library, a coffee shop, even just hopping into your car and heading to a park. Take a pad of paper or a notebook, and start an honest assessment.

Look at the moment:

Who are you right now?
Who do you want to be?
What are your talents?
Who are your allies?
What victories have you experienced in the last year?

Look at the Judgers:

Do they have credibility?
Do they know the whole story?
What happens to you if you take their advice?
What happens if you take a PART of their advice?
What happens if you ignore it?

Look where you are going:

If you stay the course, where can it take you?
If you change course, what are the consequences?
If you could take any course you wanted, what would it be, and where would you go?
Now ask it again - and choose two more.

Once you've taken the time to put these items in writing - good old fashioned pen to paper - start making your plan. Whether its your old plan, that you've managed to refocus on through all the Self-Judgment, or a new plan that became clear in the process, put it down as a step-by-step, realistic and achievable process.

Then go out and DO the first thing on the plan. Nothing beats Judgment like Action in the face of it.

It won't stop there. You may very well find yourself in the same spot tomorrow, depending on how much you have going on, how many obstacles you're facing. But the process stays the same, whether you spend 10 minutes or two hours. Your plan may change day to day. It may mean removing or adding activities or people from your life, your plan.

Just make sure the plan is always yours, always going in the direction you want to go, even as you evaluate the desires and intentions of others. Ultimately, the Choices, the consequences, the defeats, and the victories are yours, and the Judges will continue doing what they do - but they will never sound the same again.