When You Make the Wrong Choice Part II

 


About  a year and a half ago, I talked about making the wrong choice when I quit Toastmasters.

Last night, I watched the premiere (a day late, thanks to my DVR) of American Idol Season 10, and Jennifer Zevita reminded me of that post, and about a few other wrong choices, and wrong thoughts I've had since my showing in the 2008 World Championship of Speaking, where I performed, according to both my own opinioin, and the opinions of the judges that day, rather poorly.

In the clip below, Ms. Zevita talks about her own 'failure' which led to her own wrong choice:



The quotes that stick out to me are: "I kind of thought it was destiny telling me this wasn't the best path for me," Followed by her realization years later: "What the hell is wrong with me? Since when do I give up on anything?"


Wow. It's amazing how we can let other people tell us who we can be, instead of deciding for ourselves. We can blame judges, parents, friends, bosses - any number of people for telling us we aren't good enough, but in the end, the real culprit is ourselves. We choose who to believe. (Now, for the record, she shouldn't believe me either, because if she makes it past Hollywood Week, I'll be shocked - but who am I?)


She is so shocked that Jennifer Lopez remembered her, and thought highly of her and her voice. It's important to remember that even though we aren't going to be liked by everyone, it doesn't mean that we won't be liked by anyone! The most important person who must like you and what you do? YOU.


There are a lot of reasons people give up on their dreams. In Ms. Zevita's case, it was because she believed in the judgement of three judges, and possibly a producer. Others give up because of money, family, injury, anger, frustration, and depression - and the list goes on. All of those reasons, even some that may be 'good, rational reasons', are still false excuses. The real reason most people really give up their dreams because?  They no longer believe they can achieve it to the degree they wanted to when they had the dream in the first place, 


Have you ever stopped believing in yourself? Thrown up your arms after a bad day , a bad year, or even a bad decade? Decided the greatness you thought you could achieve was outside your grasp? Ask yourself this: what would it take for you to decide you shouldn't have given up? What would it take for you to realize you deserve to succeed the way YOU want to?


Put your dream to the test:


A. Did you quit because others said it wasn't possible?
B. Did you quit because you lost a competition?
C. Did you quit because you thought you could never be as good as someone else?
D. Did you quit because you got distracted? 
E. Did you quit because you couldn't afford to continue?
F. Did you quit because it was too hard to accomplish?
G. Did you quit because you were afraid you wouldn't succeed?


Believe it or not, none of those are good enough reasons to quit. I could provide numerous examples of people who have faced similar circumstances, buy what would be the point. You're not them, right? Think about it for yourself. Whatever your reason was, what concrete, incontrovertible truth do you have that that reason is reason enough? 


Are you so certain others are right? Is the competition over forever, or can you try again? Do you want to be the next Elaine Page or the First *insert you name here*? Do you believe you are incapable of refocusing, refinancing, or pushing past obstacles? Do you believe you are incapable of beating fear? 

The only concrete proof is your own belief. And the only reason your belief is concrete is because you believe it is. Think back in your life - how many things have you done that you, at one point, felt you would never do?


Don't let your biggest obstacle be yourself - because you are likely the only obstacle that can actually stop you. Giving up your dream is always the wrong choice - unless you are replacing with a dream that is even bigger. Never give up on your Self-Defined Success.

Are Your Goals Big Enough?

I've been gone a few days. This is what I've been working on, among other things.

I also watched the final performances of 'America's Got Talent' and subsequent finale last night. I was not terribly shocked at the final two, Kevin Skinner, chicken catcher country singer extraordinaire and cancer survivor operatic genius Barbara Padilla, making the cut to face each other at the end.

I was slightly surprised that Kevin won the whole thing, in part because I felt Barbara Padilla was the stronger performer, and more of a slam dunk going into Vegas and the entertainment arena. But then again, so was Adam Lambert, despite his 2nd place finish in American Idol. Even Susan Boyle, who sang before last night's results were revealed, was a clear winner in Britain's Got Talent before losing to Diversity.

It's almost as if voters say to themselves "this person is bigger than this show - I'm going to vote for the other guy, because they need it more". Granted, it could also be a bit of fickleness for over-exposed celebrity by people who haven't done anything yet. Either way, these 'Losers' can turn into Winners in a way they didn't expect at the beginning of their journey.

When you set goals, do you create realistic scenarios? Do you 'hedge your bets' to prevent disappointment? After all, who would be silly enough to say "I'm going to make a hundred thousand dollars this year, even though I've never come close in the past"? Jack Canfield would, actually. How about a million dollars?

Barbara Padilla, Adam Lambert, and Susan Boyle will all have careers that go far beyond what they set to accomplish. Losing actually opens up doors they may have been locked out of in the contracts that bind the winners. If they keep their goals small, and let the competition define them, they will limit their accomplishments as well. Regardless of how you feel about their music, Kelly Pickler, Clay Aiken, and Chris Daughtry have all gone on to great success by allowing goals bigger than winning American Idol to enter their field of view.

When you set your goals, don't limit yourself to reality, or too narrow an outcome. Leave room for a force greater than you to change your path and lift you higher than you ever imagined. If you are in a competition, why does the outcome of the competition define your future? If you can lose 25 lbs, why not 50? Or lose 25 and be in incredible shape? If you can make 100,000 dollars in 12 months or less, why NOT a million?

Make the choice to be open to more. The old saying is that one God closes a door, he opens a window. Perhaps we should change that to 'When God closes a window, he opens a door. A really BIG door."

Crazy like a FOX: Ellen on American Idol

DISCLAIMER: Today's blog references American Idol. If AI disgusts you, run away fast. Worry not, its not ABOUT AI, it simply refers to events in the show that are related to my topic.

Just when you thought no one could be a worse judge of talent than Paula Abdul, the folks at American Idol sign Ellen Degeneres to be their 4th judge for the upcoming season. When was HER last chart topping pop album? Which rock stars has she sent shooting towards the stars of success?

Yes, she has a nice little talk show, and is quick with a joke, and probably a light of your smoke - but isn't there someplace we'd rather she be? Sorry, I occasionally slip into Billy Joel lyrics when exasperated.

The producers are exercising their power of choice in an unexpected manner, but with great deliberation. Last years 4th judge, Kara, is an industry professional. Putting Ellen on the forum is the equivalent to dropping Dennis Miller onto the set of Monday Night Football a few years ago. While Dennis is a wonderfully talented and witty human being within his social and political setting, he was out of place and overmatched on the set of MNF. He didn't get the game, he didn't get the fans, and he didn't get to keep the gig. I expect the AI's Ellen results to be similarly disappointing.


If I can see it coming, and you can see it coming, why would they choose to make it happen? One of two reasons: either they DON'T see it coming and believe Ellen will expand the demographic and add value to the judging, or, more likely, they DO see it coming, and are counting on all of us to tune in to watch the train wreck side show she will bring each week to what is otherwise fairly solid entertainment (relatively speaking).

When you make changes in your life, you face similar choices. Looking for a bigger market share, whether with customers or simply those who inhabit your daily life? Doing more of the same creates diminishing returns. Adding something radically different, however, will attract attention. Sometimes negative attention, but attention nonetheless.

Consider your options, and your outcomes. Make your choice, and stick by your guns, at least for a season. If it works, great! If not, be prepared to create a new strategy next time around. Actually, its not a bad idea to prepare for a new strategy regardless of how it goes - even a train wreck will bore the rubberneckers is left unchanged for too long.

SPECIAL BONUS: Top 14 Dennis Miller quotes on Monday Night Football - in honor of the opening of the NFL season, tonight on NBC! Provided by Topfive.com


14. "Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary -- the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians."

13. "I haven't seen anyone rely on the ground game this much since the battle of Verdun."

12. "The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop."

11. "I've seen women pee standing up with better aim."

10. "Somebody call Janet Reno -- I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet!"

9. "That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche."

8. "I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet."

7. "Hey, Cunningham -- Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi."

6. "He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house."

5. "Hey Deion, Bubbelah -- maybe you'd better pay a little less attention to those unfairly Draconian salary caps that only allowed you to acquire four of the five remaining 1932 Aston Martins still in road-worthy condition after you'd paid for life's little necessities like hookers and weed, get your medulla oblongata out of your duodenum for a few milliseconds, and make a tackle or two, okay, Babe?"

4. "When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb."

3. "That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena."

2. "Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island."

...and the Number 1 Dennis Miller Monday Night Football Quote...

1. "Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets!"