How Do You Choose Your Responses?

This weekend was birthday weekend - one daughter turned 9, the other 2, both on Friday. Friday night was a slumber party, followed by a lunchtime party the next day. That 18 hour period offered many opportunities to watch people of all ages choose their responses.

A. On Friday night, one of the girls told my daughter the party was boring and she wanted to go home. Red Alert! Riley left the room crying - a typical response. My wife was more than a little frustrated, but of course tempered her response toward the offender, asking her how she would feel if Riley did that at HER birthday party, and offering her a choice: apologize, or have her parents pick her up. It took a few minutes, but she apologized after thinking through her options. Riley's choice was indicative of her place in life right now, and we talked to her about choosing to stand up for herself vs. fleeing in tears. Interestingly, the next day, the same girl talked about how much fun she had at the party, and wanted to stay over Saturday night too!

B. My wife home-made the cakes for our daughters. She was not happy with them. She was using new methods and the results were below her standards of perfection. And then she asked my opinion. Guys, this is right up there with 'Do I look Fat?' as far as the danger zone of answering goes. I looked at it, and thought 2 things: 'This looks really good' and 'I know why she doesn't think so'. I had a choice - tell her it was good knowing she wouldn't believe me, or tell her I understood how she feels, but to me it looks great. Either would have been better than what I said: "Well, from an adult standpoint, I see why you don't like it, but...." - Oops. Took a few minutes to get to the rest of it "but the important thing is Riley loves it!". Not a good choice on my part. I hoped to communicate honestly, but my approach needed a bit more icing on the top. Of course, Kristi could have chosen a different response to my response....but let's not go down that road. We're all about personal responsibility at The Champion of Choice Challenge.

C. My mom brought over gifts for both girls. My two-year-old was too busy playing with one toy to bother opening Grandma's gift. As parent's we didn't want to create a tearful scenario by ripping away one gift in favor of the next, but we also didn't want Grandma to forever sit waiting. My mom could have responded with impatience, indignation, anger - but instead she chose to laugh. She watched her Granddaughter intently and contentedly playing with her first gift, and just waited until Brooklyn was ready. It took almost a half an hour, but she finally gave up the toy and headed to her new gifts. Brooklyn's own choice was interesting to watch. She didn't get upset at our attempts to divert her - she simply ignored us!

We cannot control someone else's response. We can plan for it and even attempt to influence it, but in the end, the only response we can control is our own. It is common to blame another for making us feel a certain way - positive or negative. And we do have a natural emotional response to how others act towards us. As human beings with cognitive brain function, however, we must take responsibility for how we filter those emotions into our responses, and how we form every response we offer.

Being a Champion of Choice means accepting your ability to change a conversation, set a boundary, avoid temptation, defuse an argument, and resist tempting others. Of course, it also means accepting your ability to make things significantly worse, if the surrounding parties aren't Champions themselves.

Remember Champions - with use your powers for good - or you'll end up looking like this guy:


May the Force Be With You.